Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Getting what you need…

After getting the bad news from the publisher, I decided to give myself 10 full days to feel sorry for myself. During those days, I did what most “wound-lickers” do. I moaned and groaned to my wife. I complained about how “the industry” has forgotten the little guys! I even started watching Glee.

As the 10 days were winding up, I realized licking my wounds wouldn’t be enough. I needed something else to snap myself out of the malaise. I needed a party. I decided it would help to be around people I enjoyed who could help me laugh. My daughter called it a real world “pity party." I liked that and decided to run with it. I invited several couples to come to my very own pity party.

When the five couples arrived, they gathered in my kitchen. I started the festivities with a little speech. I reminded them why they were there and told them that I needed a little cheering up. I was bummed about the loss of the publishing contract and wanted to be around some people who might help me leave my worries behind for an hour or three.

We set out some snacks and a couple bottles of wine, and I made everyone play a bunch of silly games. The objective was achieved. We laughed for hours.

The next day, one of my friends pulled me aside and said, “I just want you to know I really enjoyed myself last night and was impressed by the fact that you were so bold about getting what you needed. You weren’t afraid to admit you needed some help and you planned something you thought might turn things around. That inspired me. AND...thanks for inviting me!”

His comments reminded me of conversations I have had over the years where I complained to my wife about how “nobody noticed” that I needed a pick-me-up. I wanted someone else to get me what I needed. Over time, Carol just started saying, “Look, if you want a party, plan your own! People will come. There are a few people who kinda sorta like you. Get what you need."

For once, I listened to her advice.

I believe many people waste too much time hoping that someone else will recognize they have a need and do something about it. But, doesn’t that always end with dashed expectations? No one notices. Therefore, no one cares. May as well eat some worms. If you need a party throw yourself one.

Even if it’s just a pity party.


EE said...

For future reference... I love pity parties!!!

Pieter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
piet van waarde said...

Noted Em, and will keep in mind!

Oregon Mooneys said...

Have you considered self-publishing? It's not what it used to be. We had a literary agent talk to the faculty last fall. He said it's well-regarded in the industry now. Amazon has a website ( that does FREE on-demand publishing. You send them the finished work, they make it available, they print it whenever someone orders & you get paid. Of course, they take a cut, but you don't have boxes of books in your garage in the meantime. They have a number of services available for a fee, from editing, to cover design, to more advanced advertising. The agent said the published quality was as good as you'd get with the "big guys"; in his words "You can't tell the difference between an Amazon published book & a 'big name' published work." Just an idea...
BTW: Thanks for the blog. I appreciate your 'realness'!

piet van waarde said...


Thanks for the "push" - that is one of the options I am considering at this point. Had a conversation with an author friend just like week who was saying essentially the same thing. Perhaps the Lord is attempting to make something clear.


Post a Comment